mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
