forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
