been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They have beer where we have blood.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
