Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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