There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
