I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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