I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar