I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
