the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.