ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..