Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution