All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well