Are we in a gay sports bar?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother