My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dating After Heartbreak
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
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Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard