She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?