If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
