my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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