return my video game
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
