Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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