Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize