If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
