On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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