my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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