She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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