I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
