Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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