Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
