Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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