More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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