so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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