shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
