This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
