saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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