you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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