Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
