I have demons in me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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