I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I could make wine with my vomit
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
