He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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