apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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