ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
