I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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