If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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