you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
time to smoke my breakfast
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
