capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
