I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
