I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
