You just made me feel so damn special
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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