you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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