Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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