ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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