this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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