it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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