Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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