You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
