His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
