hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
