Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's the barista slut.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
