Yo dont text me then not text me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
