If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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