just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
