just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
