she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
