He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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