i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
