is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm too high and old for this...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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