atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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