also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
