We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
