Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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