3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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