Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
