ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
