Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sarcasm needs its own font
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
