Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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