Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
