honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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