Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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