I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
