my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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